Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
