I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
