you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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