allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
