New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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