Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
