I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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