I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
