sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
