i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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