when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
