This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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