Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
