I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
