where am i from again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
