my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize