thus making me awesome and them whores
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
