I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
