please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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