I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
