if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
