my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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