I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
