dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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