She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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