Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
