Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
