Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
