Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need moral support for this bender
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the raccoons are back...
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