16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
