Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
