well you can't waste a boner
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
