"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
