My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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