So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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