I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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