The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
