smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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