4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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