i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
