fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
