it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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