He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
