They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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