I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
