just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
