ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
