i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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