i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
