Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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