even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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