Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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