my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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