sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
