I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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