he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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