Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
