btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
false alarm, still single
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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