What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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