we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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