Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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